In three words I can sum up everything about life. It goes on.
n r s y f q h j
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Where there is love there is life.
#36
June 23, 2012 || 8:30 AM
Sneak preview to my story of life. "The
only Princess to the King & Queen, when I thought that my life was a fairy
tale and having all the “happy ever after”
reality hit me hard. The ups and downs of life, I had to face that my
parents are not that forever happy under one roof, and that they have to get a
divorce when I was still a little girl aged 5 years old. Leaving me no choice,
I decided to stay with my mother. Not that I was not close to my dad, just that
I need my mother more at that time but I wished I had spent more time with my
father
So
during the journey of life, my mother met her other half and decided to take
things seriously and settled down. Meanwhile, a year after when my mother was
pregnant, my father decided to move on and take a chance. Even though, deep
down my father has this part of her buried in the heart. My father could still
share the positive side of my mother when I visited him, on alternate weekends.
Then my father met her other half, decided to settle down too.
Back
then when I was a young teen, I used to neglect my father was too comfortable
with my mother. Addition to that I admit that I was jealous, well I was the
only and I had all the attention on me but as my father settled down he had to
evenly share his love for his wife and her children.
My father was married to a woman which has 2 girls and my mother married to a
man with one girl and a boy. I could not get along with my step-mother, but
funny how I could get along before they got married. Probably I was too angry
that he completed the other half of my dad but me. As I grow, slowly I felt
that I was much more comfortable sharing stories of my life with my father and
my step-mother. Having a listening ear to my stories & a shoulder to cry
on, made me opened my eyes to give them a chance and be happy for my father.
Addition to that, my step-mother got pregnant too! With that, I looked forward
to visit them!
On
the other side, there was ups and downs staying under one roof with my mother’s
husband. Countless times I wished that my parents could work things out but I
guess everything was too late. Only if my father could stay under one roof with
me and my mother, it would complete my life and I would be the happiest girl
ever. Reality was never fair, life had to go. Things got well when my mother
gave birth to a baby boy, my step-brother.
When
things were on balanced, as years passes by, I have never thought this could
ever happened to anyone in my family. On the year that I was taking my GCE ‘N’
Level, it was just another weekend which I have to go over to my father’s
house. But this time, I had to take in another bad news. After greeting the
folks, my step-mother pulled me aside, her facial expression was normal. Before
she started talking, she grab my hands and said “daddy has cancer, all this
while it was not gastric that caused him pain, but cancer”. I felt numb. The
only that was lingering in my head was “cancer……..die”. I did not know how to
react to that cruel news, I did not know whether should I cry. I was in a total
dilemma. I did not know what to do, but when I saw my father’s face I could not
hold on my tears. It was the baddest
dream of all the bad dreams, if only I could rewind and longer the time before
he had to face that news, I would. That weekend was different, not as usual,
but my father was putting on a strong upfront throughout the weekend. He seemed
strong but I know that deep inside his world if falling into pieces.
I
came home, looking dumb, with eyes all puffed up and the next thing was I
hugged my mother crying like a little girl. I needed a shoulder to cry on, I
needed a listening ear. The news was too rough. I had to share the news with my
mother, and she burst into tears hearing the news. Everyone did. For once, I
thought that my father will be free from all the bad news but I did not see
this coming. Firstly, he had to go through a divorce, now this, an illness
which cannot be cured.
I
took time alone, thinking on how I should be around him. I cannot possibly keep
on crying whenever I come over, instead I should feel glad and delighted that I
am spending time with him. I had to be on the positive side with my dad, and
let him know that he is never alone. I have always pray for him to get well
after going through all the chemo therapies. I wanted him to get well for my
sister, Qairunnisa.
She was 3 years old when he discovered this illness. Besides, she was very
close with my father.
Giving
all support that my father needed, as family we helped him through every single
obstacles he had to face. He lost his hair due to the chemo therapy. But he has
never lost hope, he has been hoping for a miracle to happen to be here with us.
As time passes, even after chemo therapy, the cancer cells spread over to other
parts of the body and doctor announced that he was at stage four and that he
has not much time. Hearing that news from his doctor, he broke into tears while
lying on the hospital bed. I have never seen my father this weak, but he lost
hope when the doctor said that. My step-mother and myself was there witnessing
every single thing. We had to put on a strong upfront, we had to calm him down,
we had to do everything that we could to bring him up. Even though knowing that
deep inside, walls were crushing down.
Like
how we expected it, things got from bad to worst. Nothing seemed to be working
out, but our families prayed, wishing the best. He wanted to go home badly, so
the doctor agreed to let him go back home. When he reached home, he was lying
on the bed, with everyone in the house being with him, reciting prayers,
watching television. This was the first night. But on the third night, I was
not being myself. I took my own sweet time to travel to visit my dad, and when
I was with him, I was shagged. Maybe because I was from school and had extra
classed, but I could not think straight that night. Before I went off, looking
at my father’s situation, it was very heartbreaking. His eyes…..were yellowish,
he was having difficulties breathing. He was not like how he was when he came
home on the first night. But I wanted to go home even with this situation like
that.
I
was selfish enough to leave my dad, I hate myself for leaving because that was
the last night I saw him. He passed on at 3plus in the morning, my step-mother
and two uncle
who were on scheduled to take care of him that night fell asleep. Funny how my
sister cried at the same timing, waking up everyone in the house to witness
that he has gone. My mother got a phone call and she wakes me up immediately. I
woke up to no rush, and when my mother told me what was happening, it was like
my world was in slow-motion, nothing seems real. My father…..has gone. He has left, to other world leaving us
hanging. It was very painful for all of us but it better to let him go rather
than to see him suffer. I cannot be selfish oh this, I had to let him go. May
he rest in peace, God’s willing."